Haphazard lover goes from me a spoof
I hadn't known about it but let it be truth
Waver not taper, savour aloof
In the secret mind of a create-vision

A vision of a story run to mart
Got back with chicken instead of heart
Giggling alone in the pleasantness of cart
Cowboy wondering who turned on my create-crazy

Amazed in my company's improvement
When sticks are claiming lower movements
Lykke li are my groovemints
and Music is my doot doot, create-tune

Go on ahead and be a loner in the best kind
Imaginary friends are the best vehicles mind
That you'll never know cause it requires flexibility of spine
or, create-love to be a moment bind

The deepest happiness is painful simply because it is deep

As this powerful current washes down
At the bend that is always wrong
In the miscurrent- I think of the river trip in Borneo

Of a talkative rose knowing everything and nothing
Of voyeurdom ills clicking through lenses
Of circling thoughts distancing,
saddening my craving of shared reality

And then naked, in the river, climbing vines
daring locals with comfort,
leaping over a reserved vail and
living with joy in that muddy moment

Sidebanked others sweating and ticking,
as I often am on the bus when I'm late,
and everyone becomes a hurdle to jump
In this miscurrent- I think of the river trip in Borneo

The craving of intellectual stimulation and the delving of mind into thought is at strict odds with finding a way to fit into the community within which I find my physical self.
To sit contently sullen on a beach in Asia pacific with the warm sand beneath me as I watch the sunset on another part of myself.
To find a way to be a complete version on myself is a confusing and hesitant path today.

I love to watch my students.

Children forgive so easily. They are overwhelmed by emotion and then, like a passing wind, they let it go. They don't hold on to unnecessary negativity, they don't read into things, an apology in an apology, a mistake is a mistake and betrayal is never in question. I hadn't realized until this year just how possible it is just to let shit go. How fucking wonderful you feel when you forgive someone and how unbelievable you feel when you forgive yourself.

I can't tell you why I set such unrealistic standards for myself but, I can tell you that I beat myself up over insignificant events all the time. One lesson I am going to try to hold on to for all my years is one i learned from my kids this year: conscious forgiveness is a needed part of my everyday life. It's an orgasmic release of negativity and stress. It is one of the most human things I've done in a while and is helping me overcome the sometimes judgemental side of myself.

Forgiveness, regardless, I recommend.

i want so desperately to trust my heart

I wish my blog tag picture would fill the bordering box.