The craving of intellectual stimulation and the delving of mind into thought is at strict odds with finding a way to fit into the community within which I find my physical self.
To sit contently sullen on a beach in Asia pacific with the warm sand beneath me as I watch the sunset on another part of myself.
To find a way to be a complete version on myself is a confusing and hesitant path today.

I love to watch my students.

Children forgive so easily. They are overwhelmed by emotion and then, like a passing wind, they let it go. They don't hold on to unnecessary negativity, they don't read into things, an apology in an apology, a mistake is a mistake and betrayal is never in question. I hadn't realized until this year just how possible it is just to let shit go. How fucking wonderful you feel when you forgive someone and how unbelievable you feel when you forgive yourself.

I can't tell you why I set such unrealistic standards for myself but, I can tell you that I beat myself up over insignificant events all the time. One lesson I am going to try to hold on to for all my years is one i learned from my kids this year: conscious forgiveness is a needed part of my everyday life. It's an orgasmic release of negativity and stress. It is one of the most human things I've done in a while and is helping me overcome the sometimes judgemental side of myself.

Forgiveness, regardless, I recommend.

i want so desperately to trust my heart

I wish my blog tag picture would fill the bordering box.

If your t-shirt could talk

What would it say?

"Relax for a moment and music holic"

"IT'S SO ME...
STILL I'M HAVING MEMORIES OF HIGH WHEN COPS CRASHAS L LAUGH PUSHING"

"I believe in EVOL SOMEONE U WIL MIS FOREVER(upside-down)"

That's what mine would say, gamsamnida.

As she told the languid account of her misfortunes
the crevaces of her worn and distant face would grow deeper

Her story would never reach further than the foot of her bed
Time itself a currency that she would never have enough of

I absorbed every word as a perfect lesson of a hard life
A life of lessons stewed so viciously it would spill
Where the wisdom could be but caught in those last moments

Rejected was her visitor’s familial claim
There wasn't enough love in that relationship to fill a thimble,
she explained

With acceptance so impervious that I would question nothing
She put death deep within my life

Tonight, for the first time, in perhaps my entire life, I found myself thinking ~I miss the old days. The days when energy bubbled from my veins in the most infectious way. The days when a night wouldn't pass without some drama-ladden story writing itself. The days when I didn't think twice about stirring it up. When my laugh always had a hint of mischeif and at least one set of eyes watched me thinking ~what will she do to next. When life felt like a play and I, the leading actress, pushed the line to see just how far I could go before life rubbed me raw.
Now, I'm so less apt to play a hand in this game. Maybe I threw in the cards a little too early.